Tuesday Wedding Tips- Bridezella

Beware the Bridezilla!!!

Be a blushing beautiful happy shining bride, who enters her wedding smiling..... don't even by mistake take on sooooo many roles before the wedding that by the time you are entering the venues you have already spotted ten mistakes in the decor or the guest seating and are frowning all the way to your poor husband to be!!!

(is this what you want to look like??!!!!)

I've met a few Bridezellas and have seen so many similar patterns. So i'm going to try and work thru these situations that crop up that make every bride reach that point where she can cross over to crazy bride and instead help her stop there!!!

1. Fixing the date!

First of all decide a wedding date a minimum of ten months away. You will need that much time to get organized. Actually make that a year! Now understand that you have enough time to work out every important thing you will need for you wedding.

(Save the date)

2. Break up the wedding into core parts-

   a. Venues and catering and Decor.
   b. Clothes - jewelry and  make up
   c. Guest lists and accommodation.

Now divide these major parts among your family and friends. Like let your parents decide the guest list and accommodation. Let a close friend help you with you clothes and make up. You decide the venue but let your family decide the menu. Give an over all look and feel that you want for the decor and leave it to the decorator after going through samples.Don't fuss!

Smaller categories like photographers and DJs pick people who are good and reliable but again don't expect them to give you an entire list of songs from beginning to end.

The more leeway you give some one who you are hiring for their specific talent the better they will perform. the more you go into telling them how to do their job the more the will back off.

(Let your friends dress you up!)

3. Simplify the planning further.

Find venues that are closer to home so as to make sure you reach on time. For the same reason make sure your salon is close to home, or better still work with someone who will come home and get you ready. Remember in those last few days being at home will make you most comfortable...No five star hotel room will give you the warmth and love as your own home. 

Do make up and hair tests in advance. DO not try to use a make up artist for the first time, or get the test done by the senior and have the junior come on D day. That's a sure fire way of loosing your mind! Do not stress out your make up artist by being madly particular about the shade of lip gloss you want, again remember giving some leeway. Show her images of the make up you like and ask her to stick to it.

(Be calm and let her carry on!!!)

Also one of the things that can really take the pressure off is having lesser guests... i know in most Indian weddings that is almost impossible.... but try to convince your parents that maybe other than the reception you could have all small functions.

Easy Peasy!

Wear your wedding shoes for two three day before get used to them ( this point i'm just throwing in because I've seen most girls being super irritable because their feet hurt in their new shoes!!!!)

4. Be organized.

Get a big book and divide it into all the major categories and add the most important one: budget! Categorically go through each and every one and make notes. Have a daily To Do list and make one for any family member or friend you think need one. Don't breathe down their necks but occasionally ask them if they have managed to tick off all the items. 

(Make or buy a nice planner)

5. Meditate.

Or run or go to the gym or swim... anything really to get your mind off the wedding. Don't let the wedding and all its little details take over your life. Its an important day but its not the end all of life.

(Get a shut eye five minutes before you have to go.)

6. Take fun breaks from the wedding.

Party with your friends go for lunches and dinner and long coffee sessions.... have sleep overs.... anything to de-stress.And keep this going till the very last day... you'll come out glowing!!!

(maybe just a sip huh?!!!!!)

7. Be perfect but don't be a "Perfectionist"!!!!

After all these very general points lets come to the one the only which really divides the happy brides and the crazy ones. Deciding what your mehendi design is exactly from finger tips to ankles, picking the threads for your outfits embroidery to matching the shade of your flowers to table fabric to your own outfit these are the dividing factors. 

(see can you really tell what the design is??!!!)

Who really cares if you have  criss cross lines on your palm or if your "dulhan" is facing the wrong side; Who really cares and notices that your embroidery thread is not exactly going with your nail polish. Don't laugh I know people like this. 

You know the only thing that matters is when you husband to be sees you walk toward him, and the smile in his eyes..

(How true!)

When i got married I had planned everything down to even making some of the decor myself (with mommy dearest) and I was going mad... even border lining on crazy when a friend.... well at that time my cousins friend sent me this mail:

Don't worry 'bout nething, dont' stress 'bout nethign, everything that's to happen will happen properly nd everythign will fall into place as the day(s) zap by. Just breathe!!!  , and yes when u're all tayyar-vayyar wearing u're beautiful weddin outfit and u go around asking everyone if you look ok? Trust me you'll look beautiful no matter what ur wearing! I don't know what this weddin day does to you girls, but in my experience there is this blissful radiance that just makes u all look even prettier than ever!  so again... Alishka.... just breathe...  lol  

And it literally changed everything for me. I especially loved the part that everything that has to happen will happen properly... and about how brides look beautiful no matter what.... heck I'm still smiling!!!!

So come on all brides to be.... sit back and enjoy the process and that will just make you love the day of your wedding to that absolutely special guy!

Tuesday tips - Working from home!

After a very very long time I have got back to my work......Its a great feeling because working from  home is just such a difficult task.... that you invariably keep postponing it....!!

When I started aiku... i was in bombay... it was easier in a way that there was no one in the house once hubby left and no other work or distractions for me (except the tv!!) but still even there getting into work mode was super duper difficult....

Here more so!!! there is so much going on at home that till like 12:00 you cant even think about it.... then you think, may as well have lunch and then start... after all that chaas you feel sleepy so you convince yourself that an hours sleep in the afternoon in this heat is a must..by the time you knock out (thanks to tv) an hour is already gone by!!!.. and your actual sleep time is 40 mins!!! by the time your up its already 5:30 sometimes 6:00.... then you want to have tea coffee with the family and the time creeps up to dinner time....

So really how to work from home???!!!!!

I worked out a few solutions if you stick to seriously then you can manage... of course rather than actually working i sat and made up this list!!!

So here goes:

1. MAKE A WORK AREA IN YOUR HOME.

Equip it with everything you will need such that once you're there you don't keep getting up to get stuff. Most important is to have lots of plug points.... for all your chargers... technology technology!!! If you cant take over a whole room.... just take a corner and put a desk with lots of drawers and some shelves or a small cupboard along it.

Also its super important to keep this space outside your bedroom... don't mix the two!

This is nice because then at the end of the day you can just draw the curtains and hide your work area!

Simple and nice.... anything color co-ordinated just looks great!

I liked this too.... like one big cupboard just for your work!!!

2. MAKE A WORK SCHEDULE.

Yes, you have responsibilities at home as well so divide your day. If you want to devote pre-lunch hours to the home do it. But then finish off everything before.... no suddenly remembering something mid way work and rushing off. All the cooking dusting clearing should be finished in time. 

Inform all family members about your work timings.... so that they don't disturb you while you're at work....BE FIRM.... since this, i have experienced is the most difficult part of working from home. Sometimes when we're being all creative we stare into space and family takes that as us doing nothing right??!!!! So they will come just at that moment assume you're doing nothing and expect you to do something for them... and it gets tough to explain that you were actually brainstorming in your head! hence the strict timing rule should work.

3. DRESS FOR WORK!!!! 

Back in Bombay when i used to work i used to do it in my jammies..... and it just didn't work!!!!! it makes you all lazy and loungy and lazy!!!! 

The only way it works is if you shower, wear nice smart work clothes, even shoes (if you must!) anything that makes you feel all fresh and ready to work....

4. EAT HEALTHY!! 

Have a great breakfast.... eggs sausages bacon toast coffee juice the works.... but lunch has to be very light.... working on a full stomach is impossible......!

here are some fun options.... get the recipes from my pinterest page "Comfort Food"

Sesame Brown Rice Salad with Shredded Chicken and Peanuts

Grilled chicken sandwich

teriyaki chicken and boiled rice

spicy thai noodles...

5. WHEN YOU'RE DONE YOU'RE DONE!

Pack up at the end of the day. Pick a suitable time like 7:00 maybe and then call it a day. even if you have pending work... keep it for the next day. Remember if you were in an office you would have left at the end of your working hours, so keep the same systems for your home. No checking emails on your phone either!!!

 watch TV chill with the family get dinner into place... there is lots to do!!!

These are just a few things that helped me.... however while i'm writing this blog i have shifted to the office...!! its about ten minutes from home.... but only because this way I can be with the Hubby all day!!!

But no really... working from home may not be easy and it might take a while to get into the flow... but once you've got things in place its very much do able!!!

:) happy working!!!!

Wedding Tips Tuesdays- Adding to your family!!!!

Ok so this is not exactly a wedding tip.... but boy will it be useful post your wedding!!!!!

So for most people who don't know.... 2 years is like the honeymoon period before you get to the "So when's the good news?"  period of a marriage!!

after all two years should be enough to get to know the person you have your babies with, to understand the mood swings of your life partner, to (in most cases) fall in love with your spouse..... well.....two years go by pretty damn fast!!!!

yes yes for all those calculating i'm in 2 years and 10 months of my marriage.... and yes its no more subtle hints but full blown "where the hell are the grand children!!!!!!"

Most of my friends are married and are now either pregnant or with babies ranging from just born to a year.... and I've been making the rounds to meet with them (hubby in tow most of the times) and its been very interesting to see all of them and their babies....and very educational! I have picked up many many pointers which I will share with you!

Having a baby is a big deal.... its a part of your hubby and you.... its something that is proof of your love for each other.... (for me at least!!!) and its such a big responsibility.... a little human that depends on you for everything.....

I've met girls who have been married for a year or two to girls who have been married for a few months and they have babies....from well planned to accidental surprise package...And what has struck me as most important is that both of you'll just have to be ready for the baby... you'll both should want one as much as the other.... or well at least should be ready in the case of the guys!!

and plan for the baby... understand your financials, understand what kind of family support you'll have and will need.... understand that life will change.... be ready completely for the change.

But more than anything.... build your stamina!!!!! I'm telling you you will thank me for this point....

I've been playing with my little nephew every alternate day for the last few days and the reason I don't meet him in between is because I'm nursing massive body aches!!! The first day my shoulders ached from carrying him around the next my waist because I decided to save my shoulders and carry him on my waist.... Oh My God!!!!!

And if not from the carrying around just from the sheer entertaining you'll be exhausted.... they have the energy of I don't know what.... But in my house we all took turns in making sure he laughed all thru the day!!!

So before you even decide to have a baby... spend a year building up your stamina... I mean like do some hardcore training.... like for a marathon or climbing mountains or something!!!

And watch your diet from a year before as well.... One of my friends (very smart girl) lost a lot of weight just before she got pregnant but in a healthy way... so when she put on it really didn't show all that much.... and now loosing it seems to be easier for her.... so that is another really smart pointer.

Meditation seemed to really help another friend of mine...She was into it and yoga from before but she said that she mediated and did her yoga thru her pregnancy and it helped her a lot. The yoga for her body of course and the meditation just kept her in a very positive space.... being positive and happy i feel is very very important because that's just how your baby is going to be you know...

Being happy has a lot to do with your husband.... so sit him down and talk talk talk.... discuss everything with him involve him in everything.... divide all the work post the baby so not only is he a part of his baby's life from day one but you have all the help and support you're going to need.

So there you have it... once the questions start popping up check this list:

1. Are you both ready mentally to take on this big step in life?
2. Are your financials in order? All steady jobs and business intact and all?
3. How much family support do you have or need?
4. Are you physically strong?
5. Are you positive and happy? both of you?
6. Have you'll discussed everything you need to discuss with each other?

Of course the most important thing...Spend the years before the baby having lots of fun... go on mad spontaneous vacations... party lots... spend nights talking to each other and getting to know each other.... the life of a newly married couple is very very important for your kids.... because its the bond you'll form then that will determine how you'll deal with things that come later in life.... So thoroughly enjoy the "couple-dome" but not with the thought of the baby is going to tie us down or our lives are going to be over once we have kids.... just in a positive way enjoy the life!

Well all of this is from a very in experienced perspective.... but like i said I'm spending a lot of time with the nephew as part of my training so these are all the pointers I have come to understand....!!!!!

yes yes... I'm ready (kinda, sorta .... ummm... maybe!!!) .... just readying the boy now!!!

Incase you'll were wondering!!!

So here is my inspiration for this post!

That's him!!!

He's my little doll!!!

look at those beautiful eyes!!!

That's my mum and him doing the boing boing!!!!

                                          

That's our screaming match.... what a fun!!!

Now how cute is that.... just being with him makes me want to have one!!!

Wedding Tips Tuesdays- New family...

One of the biggest challenges in a marriage, more than adjusting to living with a boy are to live with new parents.... Its the biggest challenge because if you don't handle it sensitively you could not only ruin your relationship with them but also yours and your hubbys and your hubbys and his parents.... And yes it is all up to you... since you're the new equation in the family.

So here are a few pointers that helped me!

1.The most important thing is to stop referring to them as "his" parents. The day you acknowledge them to be your family, your parents too a lot gets easier. I know its not always easy to suddenly start calling someone Ma and Pa but its this familiarity that will help make the relationship work.

2.Start being honest with them from day one. Be frank but diplomatic, not manipulative there's a big difference!! If you like something don't like something, in a nice polite way let them know. No point in lying and doing something you don't like because that's only going to make you frustrated and angry. Also don't use your husband as a in between. Never put him in a spot...because its just not fair to make him choose.

3.That brings me to one of the most important points. Have an individual relationship with each of your in laws.  Do things with them minus your husband. Go shopping with your Ma in law or watch the news or bad hindi films like i do with my Pa in law....

4.Understand their age, the fact that they are now set in their ways. They will not adjust to you, you need to adjust to them. And there is nothing wrong with that.... I feel a lot of us think that because we are working independent girls we don't need to adjust to anyone... but if you think in terms of compromising and adjusting it will never work...those are just negative terms... just think that you need to do things a little differently now that is all!

5.Remember to do things for them. Sometimes you can't do everything... you may not have enough time or just plain can't do everything... so understand the things that are important to them and make sure you do them. Like if making food or going to visit some family once a week  is important do it... and then do it with love and not "because you have to". Because at the end of the day its that time you'll spent together that will matter to them.... it really wont be about the gifts and cards....

6.If you'll don't live together make sure you call them at least twice a week... and when they call always take their call. They call because they miss you. If you have a bad memory like me, put a reminder on your phone like you do for all things important.

7.Now this point is something that is very personal to me.... but i'm sure a lot of girls feel this. See i hate dressing up like in the whole salwar suit matching shoes and bangles thing... not always but most often i don't like it.... and after you get married... well its somewhat customary when you go out to "look married". The first two three days i did it in all the excitement of getting married... then it got more and more difficult... because that's just not the way I was used to dressing.... but then i realized.... having a daughter in law.... no a daughter was something my in laws were really looking forward to... so they really wanted to "show me off'!!!!! and that's a feeling I was just not going to take away from them... so for the first three months every time we went out... i would really dress up!!!! I remember jokingly telling my hubby every time that i looked like a christmas tree... but when i would come down from my room and see my ma look at me so proudly and have my pa take pictures of me... it seemed worth it :)

They are parents, your parents... some bonds may not be of 'blood' as they say but they are pretty damn strong bonds... and you have to ensure they stay like that.

And all you need to ensure that is a whole lot of love... real love.

Please ignore the red nose!!!!!

How To Get Married As a COUPLE!!!!!!

So are you the kind of bride that goes crazier and crazier as the D day approaches? You have a bazillion to do lists and fabric and paper swatches hanging from your wedding file which is going to rip any moment? you don't know if you're coming from an appointment or going to one? 

Hmmm.... then this post is a little reminder for you.... this is not just "Your" wedding. There is another party almost equally involved!! I said almost because you wont let the poor bloke be a part of it... !!!!!!

I think its very very important to include your to be to be a part of the wedding preparations (ha ha ha). Here are a few pointers on how and why!

1. Start by using the term "OUR"wedding. stop with the "my clothes" "my venue" "my invites" make him feel like a part of things.... 

Our wedding

2. Ask him for his preference on colors combinations and flowers options. I know at first he'll scoff and say "baby you know best" but coax him in to it a bit and you might just be surprised with his choices! Also trust me despite the few 'i'm a big tough guy' jokes he'll crack during, at the ceremony when he sees his ideas incorporated he will be super happy! call me if you don't see him bragging to his guy friends... "That blue lighting at the bar, my idea!!"

have fun with color!

let him pick the flowers

3. Don't make things a task.... turn boring appointments into a fun date. For example when you have to take him to choose his clothes (yes they are for him but he will crib and try very hard to postpone it till the day before the wedding and did i mention that he will crib?) buy him his favorite cup of coffee first or take him for a really good meal.... fatten him up for the long walk from store to store! 

make shopping fun

have lots of dates!

4. Now this part is really important. Talk to him about the size of the wedding. Does he want five functions or just two simple ones. Does he want a revolving stage with fire crackers or does he want a simple beach side wedding? Remember he should be comfortable too. You hardly want an uncomfortable groom itching to get out of the venue! Discuss what you want and find a balance between the two. maybe just two functions but one that has the revolving stage!!! ha ha... wouldn't you like to see that revolving stage!!!

a small intimate wedding

a grand wedding

5. Give him one important thing to do and plan for the wedding. Like the music. Let him fix on the dj and plan the list of songs. Or the drinks part of the menu. Let him spend a day with the guys and the hotel bartender and plan the kind of drinks they want at the cocktail. This not only make him feel entirely in charge of that particular aspect of the wedding it will also be a fun thing to do!

let your hair down!

6. Now forget about the fourth point, THIS is the most important part of planning as a couple. 

Make him feel like he has made all the choices!!! 

I know men reading this post will be shaking their heads in disgust (read disbelief!) but in their heads they are trying to remember all the decisions they made with their girlfriends or wives and are now realizing that maybe, just maybe it wasn't really them making that decision, it was slyly implied by the said girl that it was his idea when in all honesty it wasn't !!!! You remember the movie "My big fat greek wedding"? when the mother implants the idea of Toula working with her aunt at the travel office into her fathers mind? 

This little pointer will not just help in the wedding planning phase of your life it will totally help in the wedding life phase of your life!!!!! ha ha ha!!!

I watch "Don't tell the bride" on BBC and it really used to freak me out... till i realized well why don't we trust the poor guys to get it all right? Why don't we trust them with their choices on making the most important day in a girls life really spectacular? And then i saw this image:

superman wedding!

hmmmm, so maybe we don't leave things like this to them!! oh what the hell i think its a fantastic idea!!!

So look, getting married is not easy... but staying married that's even tougher.... so start working on really building that relationship, that feeling of being a couple, a family really. Make decisions together make mistakes together, make a happy home and a happy life together.... and start... NOW!

ps: i watched the whole movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" while writing this post!!! what a fantastic film and something i think every Indian girl could connect to!!!!

Wedding Tips Tuesdays!

So your parents don't get why you need a wedding planner... after all mom dad chacha chachi uncle aunty brothers sisters nieces nephews.... they are all there... what can a wedding planner possibly do that we all can't do?!!! Or it's just a budget constraint... after all every time you decide to do something for the wedding you can't keep calculating 10% of it going off to the planner!!

But you still want your dream wedding... you want a perfect day without the age old look and feel that families end up bringing to it... so how do you do it without that blessed planner??

What I have figured to have a wedding look planned is to basically take the key elements and tie them together with a single element.

Lets break up the wedding into very basic elements:
The invitation
The clothes
The wedding decor
The food.

Basic.

Now what single element can tie them up?

One could be a very simple color scheme. If you are having a day event pick nice bright fresh colors like yellows and lime greens or pinks and oranges. If you have a night event pick deeper shades like a bottle green or turquoise. Know that you will always need a Gold, Silver, Black or White to offset the main colors.

You start off with the colors on you invites. Since that is the first impression of the wedding, its nice to give a hint! Next is to try to add it to your clothes. Now I know its not always possible, I mean who is really going to wear a lime green lehenga!!!!! An option is to have all your close girlfriends in the same color. That way your brides maids will be set apart from the crowd and you'll have tied up your clothes element with your color element.

Next is your decor... the easiest element and the most fun. From flowers to fabrics to practically anything in you chosen colors and you have a winner! Usually the decorater simply gives you white chair covers and white table linen and maybe sometimes ties a gold net bow on the chairs to make it look festive. What you can do is buy fabric of you chosen color and ask him (or ask you local tailor)  to make the chair bows and table runners of it. Buy more of the fabric and have beautiful sequins or mirrors placed all over it and hang it around your mandap. Ta-da... your color scheme has reached your wedding decor!

Now the most difficult element to tie up is food! It will be a very subtle element in the sense that you could serve orange and pink colored drinks!! Or a fresh minty green drink on a hot day event! You could also have your dessert end of the table color co-ordinated. Have oranges and peaches on a fresh cream cake or kiwis even. You could have orange strawberry or kiwi flavored ice creams too! Do they make kiwi flavored ice cream??!!!

have a look at my older post "the color pink" to get a clearer idea.

Its mainly just a question of paying attention to small details like these... repetition always stays in peoples minds.

which is why the second element you could use is a symbol or logo... as simple as a monogram of your names, or a symbol like the eternity knot or a lotus! You could even use a nice design you picked up the internet that you would't mind seeing again and again at the wedding.

This can be printed on every card and other art work. You could make cut outs of it for the wedding decor or block print it on fabric that you could use to hang on your mandap or use as table linen. best part is you could actually use this fabric at your new home as curtains.... see multi purpose!!!!!

Why you could even have the pastry chef make an icing of it on you wedding cake!!

The only place you probably can't use it is your clothes or your brides maids clothes!!!! But nothing to stop you from adding it to the intricate mehendi design on your hands!!! ha ha ha!!!


Here's a rough idea on how to incorporate your logo (a lotus in this case) and the color scheme (pink and orange) in your mandap as well as you wedding invite!!! please note its a very rough sketch!!!!!!

So next time your parents say no to a wedding planner... bring out your on sketch book and tie all your elements together to make your wedding look and feel like a lot of thought and planning has gone into it!!!

Wedding Tips Tuesdays!!!

I feel the most common mistake couples who have been together for a while make is that they start to take each other for granted. You're together more than two years and you feel you know everything you need to know about each other, you have already done "enough" romantic things for each other. courtship period isn't what love is about... its what come after....

I've been with my husband for two wedded years and five dating years... and even today we make sure we don't take each other for granted. Small things like if i make a god meal, he will always compliment it. If he comes home early from work to be with me i will show him that i appreciate it. We go for our coffee dates where no friends are allowed.

When we got married, it was mainly because it was the best option since he was shifting cities and we both knew long distance was not something either of us could handle. So before we knew it the wedding plans were already underway. There was no asking no proposing nothing!

But two days before the wedding he surprised me with the most fantastic wedding proposal ever!!! I'm going to put up those images soon.... just need to sort them out first!!!

His proposal meant the world to me... it was him actually saying "Even though our entire wedding is planned out and ready to go in two days, I still want to "ask" you if you want to be with me" and it felt so so good!!!! To know that it was as important to him as it was to me that we don't just make assumptions for each other!!


So when I found this amazing proposal i just had to share it....

It all started with this simple image:

And i said to myself... hmmmm is this written by a guy?!!! the link added to my curiosity! 

http://juliewillyoumarry.me/

The entire site is a proposal... and please watch the video of the girl seeing it!!! oh so beautiful.... they too seem like they have gone thru much together and for him to take out so much time and effort and to make this.... it just reaffirms that love is really something else!!!!!