So are you the kind of bride that goes crazier and crazier as the D day approaches? You have a bazillion to do lists and fabric and paper swatches hanging from your wedding file which is going to rip any moment? you don't know if you're coming from an appointment or going to one?
Hmmm.... then this post is a little reminder for you.... this is not just "Your" wedding. There is another party almost equally involved!! I said almost because you wont let the poor bloke be a part of it... !!!!!!
I think its very very important to include your to be to be a part of the wedding preparations (ha ha ha). Here are a few pointers on how and why!
1. Start by using the term "OUR"wedding. stop with the "my clothes" "my venue" "my invites" make him feel like a part of things....
2. Ask him for his preference on colors combinations and flowers options. I know at first he'll scoff and say "baby you know best" but coax him in to it a bit and you might just be surprised with his choices! Also trust me despite the few 'i'm a big tough guy' jokes he'll crack during, at the ceremony when he sees his ideas incorporated he will be super happy! call me if you don't see him bragging to his guy friends... "That blue lighting at the bar, my idea!!"
3. Don't make things a task.... turn boring appointments into a fun date. For example when you have to take him to choose his clothes (yes they are for him but he will crib and try very hard to postpone it till the day before the wedding and did i mention that he will crib?) buy him his favorite cup of coffee first or take him for a really good meal.... fatten him up for the long walk from store to store!
4. Now this part is really important. Talk to him about the size of the wedding. Does he want five functions or just two simple ones. Does he want a revolving stage with fire crackers or does he want a simple beach side wedding? Remember he should be comfortable too. You hardly want an uncomfortable groom itching to get out of the venue! Discuss what you want and find a balance between the two. maybe just two functions but one that has the revolving stage!!! ha ha... wouldn't you like to see that revolving stage!!!
5. Give him one important thing to do and plan for the wedding. Like the music. Let him fix on the dj and plan the list of songs. Or the drinks part of the menu. Let him spend a day with the guys and the hotel bartender and plan the kind of drinks they want at the cocktail. This not only make him feel entirely in charge of that particular aspect of the wedding it will also be a fun thing to do!
6. Now forget about the fourth point, THIS is the most important part of planning as a couple.
Make him feel like he has made all the choices!!!
I know men reading this post will be shaking their heads in disgust (read disbelief!) but in their heads they are trying to remember all the decisions they made with their girlfriends or wives and are now realizing that maybe, just maybe it wasn't really them making that decision, it was slyly implied by the said girl that it was his idea when in all honesty it wasn't !!!! You remember the movie "My big fat greek wedding"? when the mother implants the idea of Toula working with her aunt at the travel office into her fathers mind?
This little pointer will not just help in the wedding planning phase of your life it will totally help in the wedding life phase of your life!!!!! ha ha ha!!!
I watch "Don't tell the bride" on BBC and it really used to freak me out... till i realized well why don't we trust the poor guys to get it all right? Why don't we trust them with their choices on making the most important day in a girls life really spectacular? And then i saw this image:
hmmmm, so maybe we don't leave things like this to them!! oh what the hell i think its a fantastic idea!!!
So look, getting married is not easy... but staying married that's even tougher.... so start working on really building that relationship, that feeling of being a couple, a family really. Make decisions together make mistakes together, make a happy home and a happy life together.... and start... NOW!
ps: i watched the whole movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" while writing this post!!! what a fantastic film and something i think every Indian girl could connect to!!!!