One of the biggest challenges in a marriage, more than adjusting to living with a boy are to live with new parents.... Its the biggest challenge because if you don't handle it sensitively you could not only ruin your relationship with them but also yours and your hubbys and your hubbys and his parents.... And yes it is all up to you... since you're the new equation in the family.
So here are a few pointers that helped me!
1.The most important thing is to stop referring to them as "his" parents. The day you acknowledge them to be your family, your parents too a lot gets easier. I know its not always easy to suddenly start calling someone Ma and Pa but its this familiarity that will help make the relationship work.
2.Start being honest with them from day one. Be frank but diplomatic, not manipulative there's a big difference!! If you like something don't like something, in a nice polite way let them know. No point in lying and doing something you don't like because that's only going to make you frustrated and angry. Also don't use your husband as a in between. Never put him in a spot...because its just not fair to make him choose.
3.That brings me to one of the most important points. Have an individual relationship with each of your in laws. Do things with them minus your husband. Go shopping with your Ma in law or watch the news or bad hindi films like i do with my Pa in law....
4.Understand their age, the fact that they are now set in their ways. They will not adjust to you, you need to adjust to them. And there is nothing wrong with that.... I feel a lot of us think that because we are working independent girls we don't need to adjust to anyone... but if you think in terms of compromising and adjusting it will never work...those are just negative terms... just think that you need to do things a little differently now that is all!
5.Remember to do things for them. Sometimes you can't do everything... you may not have enough time or just plain can't do everything... so understand the things that are important to them and make sure you do them. Like if making food or going to visit some family once a week is important do it... and then do it with love and not "because you have to". Because at the end of the day its that time you'll spent together that will matter to them.... it really wont be about the gifts and cards....
6.If you'll don't live together make sure you call them at least twice a week... and when they call always take their call. They call because they miss you. If you have a bad memory like me, put a reminder on your phone like you do for all things important.
7.Now this point is something that is very personal to me.... but i'm sure a lot of girls feel this. See i hate dressing up like in the whole salwar suit matching shoes and bangles thing... not always but most often i don't like it.... and after you get married... well its somewhat customary when you go out to "look married". The first two three days i did it in all the excitement of getting married... then it got more and more difficult... because that's just not the way I was used to dressing.... but then i realized.... having a daughter in law.... no a daughter was something my in laws were really looking forward to... so they really wanted to "show me off'!!!!! and that's a feeling I was just not going to take away from them... so for the first three months every time we went out... i would really dress up!!!! I remember jokingly telling my hubby every time that i looked like a christmas tree... but when i would come down from my room and see my ma look at me so proudly and have my pa take pictures of me... it seemed worth it :)
They are parents, your parents... some bonds may not be of 'blood' as they say but they are pretty damn strong bonds... and you have to ensure they stay like that.
And all you need to ensure that is a whole lot of love... real love.
So here are a few pointers that helped me!
1.The most important thing is to stop referring to them as "his" parents. The day you acknowledge them to be your family, your parents too a lot gets easier. I know its not always easy to suddenly start calling someone Ma and Pa but its this familiarity that will help make the relationship work.
2.Start being honest with them from day one. Be frank but diplomatic, not manipulative there's a big difference!! If you like something don't like something, in a nice polite way let them know. No point in lying and doing something you don't like because that's only going to make you frustrated and angry. Also don't use your husband as a in between. Never put him in a spot...because its just not fair to make him choose.
3.That brings me to one of the most important points. Have an individual relationship with each of your in laws. Do things with them minus your husband. Go shopping with your Ma in law or watch the news or bad hindi films like i do with my Pa in law....
4.Understand their age, the fact that they are now set in their ways. They will not adjust to you, you need to adjust to them. And there is nothing wrong with that.... I feel a lot of us think that because we are working independent girls we don't need to adjust to anyone... but if you think in terms of compromising and adjusting it will never work...those are just negative terms... just think that you need to do things a little differently now that is all!
5.Remember to do things for them. Sometimes you can't do everything... you may not have enough time or just plain can't do everything... so understand the things that are important to them and make sure you do them. Like if making food or going to visit some family once a week is important do it... and then do it with love and not "because you have to". Because at the end of the day its that time you'll spent together that will matter to them.... it really wont be about the gifts and cards....
6.If you'll don't live together make sure you call them at least twice a week... and when they call always take their call. They call because they miss you. If you have a bad memory like me, put a reminder on your phone like you do for all things important.
7.Now this point is something that is very personal to me.... but i'm sure a lot of girls feel this. See i hate dressing up like in the whole salwar suit matching shoes and bangles thing... not always but most often i don't like it.... and after you get married... well its somewhat customary when you go out to "look married". The first two three days i did it in all the excitement of getting married... then it got more and more difficult... because that's just not the way I was used to dressing.... but then i realized.... having a daughter in law.... no a daughter was something my in laws were really looking forward to... so they really wanted to "show me off'!!!!! and that's a feeling I was just not going to take away from them... so for the first three months every time we went out... i would really dress up!!!! I remember jokingly telling my hubby every time that i looked like a christmas tree... but when i would come down from my room and see my ma look at me so proudly and have my pa take pictures of me... it seemed worth it :)
They are parents, your parents... some bonds may not be of 'blood' as they say but they are pretty damn strong bonds... and you have to ensure they stay like that.
And all you need to ensure that is a whole lot of love... real love.
Please ignore the red nose!!!!!
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